journal?
Mon 5-9-22
how u feeling 1-100 64
what've u been up to: school's out, let's talk about work, and csh concert!
tell us about it!: oK! first how r u! we made it! first year of college is done and it feels really good, especially after quitting dci. I can do this, even if it seems super out of reach some days, i'm here cus i can do it! check this song out it's pretty good here
alright now onto the meat n taters. school's out so npw I have an extreme amount of free time. i don't want to let it go towaste, I'mn going to do the things I've been putting off! These past couple days have been complete rest, basically sleeping in til 2 then working at 5, which is very nice yes yes yes but bad for my mental and physical health. I feel like I'm going to be working mostly nights this summer, something I am ok with honestly, idk how to open lmao. But! With this new time I want to redo my clothes and get ready to move out. I really want to fuck up my white overalls with patches and bleach and stuff, make it disguisting.
mateo there's so much in my mind that I want to talk bout, I wish I could just grab you and tell you in person. Tal;k to my past and my future. i guess i could I just gotta reach deep in me lol.
The car seat headrest concert was on sat! and it was awesome. insano style lolol. We met up with Ikapari there and had a good 'ol blast of a time. We got waffle house after aaaand got a free lighter! fun stuff.
uh rachel texted us the day before, and we responded which looking back I think was not the intention of message but now i'm too far deep so whaetver! so basically, back in october whenever i trecked over to kansas and spent the night w her I had a bad experience and my mental health plummeted. i was in a bad spot mentally already and was using rachel and I's relationship as an excuse to exist. anyway i ghosted her oops wrong move should not have done that obviously why would i do that, causing some irreperable damange mateo! bur those bridges! whatever! i tried to mend it a bit by texting her a couple days (or weeks i dont rember) after all like "yo sorry bad move ik thanks for everything blahblah" an apology basically. hat's what the situation's been at til three days ago, "i didn't know how to reach out, I was upset with how you treated things. didn't want my response to be emotionally charged. hope you're well, our time is valued to me" is the gist i think. i think that's a good summery, also a good response.ig i can't judge responses ANYWAY she was right she's like good yeah.anyway i responded after that saying another apology and ty and all that! idk! i feel like I hsouldn't have, but I wanted to. also i followed her IG HHAAHHA mateo you're so stupid. ur so silly goofy stupid fucking idiot. acting out on impulses like a toddler. whatever. it doesn't matter. they haven't followed back but that's not what I followed her for. i thought it'd send the message that i wanted to move on and exist. in her message she said she thought of how to text me from time to time but I obsess over that thought. I obsess over everything dude, i don't have a life outside of that. this sucks. im so worthless
Tue 4-26-22
feeling good to bad 1-100 50
what've u been up to: nothing still. same as ever
tell us about it!: Well it's been two days since my last update. I meant to put one out yesterday but it ended up getting lost. I managed to put neocities onto a clinet server, Duck something i don't remember, but turns out I can't edit it the way I was trying to. I'll have to keep doing some research once I get home, I'm currently writing this in the english hall lol.
ok so let's talk about real life some. These are some recent outfits. Look how cool you look! actually nvm all those pictures got corrupted somehow lol. I'll post them on my fit pic site later I guess. Love you! Goodluck
Sun 4-24-22
how are you! 1-100: 70
what've u been up to:whole lot of nothing! lol
tell us about it!: let's see, 9 days since the last update? not much. we've been really behind on real life things and have been feelings very depresso, all good though school's almost out. this up coming week is our last week of classes, then it's finals week, then it's summer!
let's talk a bit about what we're doing in school right now. So it's the end of my first year second semester, as a music ed major. my classes rn are theory, aural, music ed, piano, english, and i'm in 3 different bands. it's fun. i've been super behind for about a month now, just no motivation to do things, no urgency, so i don't do it. it's litterally just a couple of assignments where I have to listen to a song and write it using music notation. very easy just boring takes a long time. schooling is fun. it's something to do, atleast I'm not in my room all day. it's something to look forward to
just how the 4 concerts i'm goin to this up coming year are something to look forward to!!!!!!!!!! in july i'm going to red hot chili peppers in colorado (yoooooo) then I have a trifecta of concerts in a week, starting on halloween! i'm going to king gizzard in okc, then traveling up to colorado again for their encore performance!! then i'm coming back down to see mac demarco in the okc again!
okay so i just got neocities supporter so I can use it through my computer 0o0 hopefully it works well. I won't be able to check til i get home from work. I love you mateo, keep it up! OH! we had a dream we WATCHED a movie where a dad died AND WE STARTED CRYING IN THE DREAM LOLOLOLOL very funny ok GOODBYE!
fri 4-15-22 10:30
how are you! 1-100: 40
what've u been up to:i got tinder lol
tell us about it!: past two weeks. i worked every day last week and gthis week I had three free days, thaat's why I haven't been as active. live is starting to take over my free time slowly. anyway. we hungout w v last night. that was fun. I didn't conversate much, i was kinda stunned the whole time. for some reason. i don't know what i'm doing.
life feels so pointless. work school life. but i'm only good at the work part. i've already told you how I feel, it' dumb to keep saying the same thing every entry, especially when they're so uncommon. here's some images of us recently. we dyed our hair n stuff, looks pretty good i tihnk.
thurs 3-31-22 10:45pm
how are you! 1-100: around n 75?
what've u been up to: had some school today but overall I was off today
tell us about it!: not much! playing destiny right now but I'm just playing til I get this red tarnation. YES! JUST GOT IT LET'S GO. lol. ok so here's what's been going on. we were talking to v right but then tuesday comes around we gon hangout then they just ghosted me i think. idk. maybe i came off weird or something but i've been on delivered since a couple days ago. so yuup that's the end of that arc lol.
next! work. work work. work work work. and school. still working every night except tuesday n thursday, still going to school every day except weekends. it's fun sorta, very exhausting though. maybe i should invest in caffinated drinks soon cus lowkey kinda hard to get through days.
we been meh mental health as usual, but sea of thieves just finished downloading! so i got that to look forward to. have a nice one!
Sat 3-26-22 2:50pm
how are you! 1-100: hmmmm solid 76?
what've u been up to: same as usual. been working, been schooling, been stressing. 14 an hour 33 hours a week, lesgooooo
tell us about it!: ok so neocities is kinda acting up, or I messed something up because it's not updating my site. it's ok though cus it's saving the code, so no worries. anywyas what's up? nothing much. i got work in 30 so im just writing this up quickly. past ten days have been busy, i work every night minus tues and thurs, so that's awesome. i'm keeping up on school though, a bit. i'm so lost in english right now I'm scared.
in other news, we're talking to v again. from sohpomore. we're supposed to hangout tuesday, but idk what or when how when all thatlol, not stressing about it though. it's exciting nonethless! we hadn't talked in a long time and I was just like fuckit i might aswell. hope all goes well. we did a song thingy sorta not really just a thing here it is https://youtu.be/XnD1OlAnze0 hope you like it!
Wed 3-16-22
how've you been? 1-30: a solid uhhhhh 17?
progress? same as always. work school done
tell us about it! but we're in psring break now, so it's just school then chilling at home. I wroked at the edmond loaction of TFT on monday! that was the soft opening for us, but today is the real opening. and im working. with only ella? it'll b fine i think. other than that not much has been done. we got some super sick TUKs yesterday. actually let's talk about that, yesterday was really fun. okok so, monday night I closed at the edmond location, then kota and I went back to DnE's n got crunky n had a nice sleep. then tuesday morning I came home and mowed the lawn! super eciting. but after that kota and I got korean bbq at a kinda sketchy place, but it was yummy as fuck. i'll put some pics in. after the bbq we wnt to the best boutique in okc dig it! and I got some fucking mongos! i had these other cheetah print creepers but they were old as heck, so I got some high rise mongos. i'll also put pics of those! after that we got pie and that's it. dropped him off, came home, and...
played a bunch of raids. I tried raiding all day, going through every single riad, but i only got through Last Wish, Deep Stone, and VOG. I'm gonna try to get through Garden and Vow today, starting with Vow. speaking of destiny, I want to make a page on my site about destiny. I've been keeping up alright with this site, adding some songs when I remember and staying consistent with the journal, but I want to do more. i was thinking of making a page that shows my loadouts, cus I change through them so much. i'll draw what I'm thinking, but am probably gonna have to change it up.
ahhhhhh whatever. bye
Sun 3-13-22
how've you been? 1-70: a solid uhhhhh 57?
what's been done: man a lot. also not a lot. school, work, band
tell us about it! ok i know it's been 9 days, i can explain. oh fuck it has been a long time, thinking back to when I made the last one i feel like a compeltely different mindset. let's go daybyday. ok so the day after, thursday, I closed at work and uhhh did school i think? i dont remember. friday was the same. okok, saturday the 5th we worked againnn i think we just did homework and such. destiny. for future reference "normal day" is school work destiny. lol. sunday we worked normal and closed, but fucking after work I fucking backed into the fucking wall like a fucking idiot lmao. i'll put the gif underneath, still don't know how I managed that. actually i do. fucking jerry was texting you talking about missing things and you were reading the text while backing into the garage and clipped the wall. can't do SHIT. anyway. monday! we had a normal school day and then we had dress rehearsal for the tuesday concert! it's now tuesday!! normal school day then big concert thingy woohoo aweome it went awesome. wednesday concert! not so much, it kinda sucked. hot take: orchestra > concert band. ok then thursday I worked again, then friday i worked again, the tonight I worked again. so I've been busy ok I have an excuse for not updating.
other than that, some recurring things. we just got rhough the cart we got a while ago, nice going! the week t-break helped a bunch, I was much more aware of when and how I was using weed. i got some edibles rigth now then I'll get a new cart, Maybe. got some recurring dreams, mainly about rachel and themes of insecurity. i don't know how I feel or if I'm even allowed to feel that way. uhhhhhh nyway we haven't gotten last weeks pay check yet. not yesterday friday but last week. kinda sucks. i've talked to big boss about it and he doesn't even know what to do. hopefully i get it soon so I can finish off the rest of college bill.
Wed 3-2-22
how was your day 1-10: been a solid u 7?
whyat've we done so far: School! Had theory II then pianooo then didn't have ed but did have concert band and orch. cocnerts are coming up soon, pretty exciting..
tell us more!! okokok i will jeeze chill out dude. so the concert is next wed i think, a week away, and it's like a fancy cocktail dinner fundraiser thing. It's to raise money for the music scholarship so hell yeah the more people that night the more money I get next semester LOL. the seats are sold by tickets with a full course meal and everything, they even have like a little bar i think lmao. I might be super wrong. I'm gonna be playing bass trombooone on Capricio Espagnol (fuckin banger 🔥🔥🔥) slavonic dances, and barber of seville! again!!! again!!!!!!
okay let's talk some beeswax now. not proud of it, however I have relapsed onto the marijuanas. i think relapse is a strong word, but it's what i've done i guess. if it makes it any better, it wasn't like i went out of my way to get it. like i wasn't craving it so bad i was like i nEEED WEED, i was gonnna hangout with k n thought it'd b nice to have weed, and i'm being more responsible about it now. i'm keeping the weed at home! and only taking small amounts to prevent building up a tolerance as fast. i'm hoping these changes lower the amount of weed i b smoking. it'll prevent me from getting high at school and work though. this past week i discovered work and school are easier to do whne I'm not super high the whole time lmao, big brain over here figured it out. so yeah, i have weed again but i'm being more consious about it, i won't just abuse it.
now let us check out this fit. what a nice fit. have a good homie, i still love you. yeeeup!
Sun 2-27-22
how was your day 1-10: 6
what'd you get done today: got some homework done and stared at my phone for a good 7 hours or something.
tell us more!! okay that's new. i thought it'd be neat to split up the two, "how was your day" and "tell me about your day". Anyway, today was boring as hell. Nothing done today at all except some homework and destiny. We practiced abit but that was really it. We're going pretty strong on the nofap and noweed though! that's really good. the other day we stayed at kota's and took a 5mg edible to fall sleep cus that place is so cold and his couch is super uncomfy, but other than that we're golden baby! it's hard, it's really really hard, craving have been prety bad but we're all good! it's like day 6 now! almost a week. it's been so long since i've been sober for more than 3 days, let alone a whole week! that's something to be proud of, i think. it's the small goals, baby steps. While weed does take some willpower to stay away from, porn has actually been easier to stay away from than I thought it'd be, which confirms my theory! Porn addiction is correlated to weed addiction! atleast for me. It makes sense cus when i get high I get horny, duh. Regardless, we're doing good. Our goal is a month but I don't see why to stop there, I guess I'll make that decision when I actually get there.
check this out! it's weed cat lol (grass starter for gen 9) we think he's cute as hell, I love the weed cat memes. i think my favorite part is their name, Sprigatito!!! That's so fucking cute oh my god!!!!!!! GATITOOOOOO small lil cat just likes weed lil weed cat lil dude love him. that's all! hope you're doing alright, hope you're actually reading this in the future lol. love you teo, goonight :)
Thurs 02-24-22 10:45pm
how's you've beens 1-50: 25
how's it going: gosh darn dang the last couple days have totally been. class' been canceled three 3 days in a row (wed, thurs, tomorrow) so it's been kind of slow. we got through destiny wq! it was super fun. really good expansion. these 3 snow days really came at a perfect time huh. tomorrow I'm supposed to work from 5 to close but I dont know if that's happening; as it stand right now I cannot get out of my driveway, completely frozen over i slipped and slid all over the place lol. when class gets canceled like this it makes me really insecure. ok maybe insecure isn't the right word but the extra time makes introspective of myself, my life, and my goals n stuff. what else do I do on snow days except laze around and play videogames? productive stuff of course, the stuff I never do. but it starts chewing at me. my room gets toasty as hell and when it gets toasty i get sweaty and my hands get clammy and it snow balls from there. there's variations to how it goes after that, sometimes my clammy hands start my overthinking and i start smelling gross things and convince myself i'm the grossest being ever. i think i washed my hands like 6 times just while sitting at my computer. i dont think they were dirty but it felt dirty, that uncomfort. i smell sometimes too? like, an odor. musty? idk, the heat of my room really likes to swell odors to insane degrees, it'll cause more overthinking. overthinking leads to more overthinking. overthinking leads to more overthinking. then i break. last night i choked myself to see if i could get to the edge and back. obviously nothing happened, your body won't let you do that. but it was fun i guess idk.
i hate writing these. it's not cus I don't like the site or anything, but I always forget what i want to say. I have all these emotions coursing through my body and I have no idea how to write it out. idek why I'm writing all of this, no one is reading it and i dont really want people to read it. i guess it's just my place to vent? i used to use instagram and snapchat to vent my feelings, remember that? i wonder how much that venting influenced my friendships as a kid. doesn't matter. i think i'm done with the vent sesh, if i have more i'll add it in the morning.
let's talk about your addictions now. very dark shift, that's okay, it's life. weed and porn. how will you overcome these? what order? what are your plans? uhh ok let'sstart with porn, it feels like the worse of the two. i only realised my porn addiction recently. when I was dated rachel she didn't like that i watched porn so i told her i wouldn't, but i kept doing it. at some point I asked myself why don't you stop? i told myself i didn't need to. of course you did dumbass the love of your life (at the time) asked you stop and you kept doing it. throughout the relationship i kept doing it and after is when it started affecting my personal life more. during the time i was at my lowest i would jack off 3 times a day regardless of wether I was feeling horny or not, wether my dick hurt or not, wether I had work in 20 or wether i was already late. i hate myself so much for doing it so much, it feels like i've sabotaged my own life from the very start. we started when we were 8, remember? every single day since then you've jacked off, mindlessly scrolling through the infinite array of sex and boobs and ass. do you know fucked that is? how fucked up it is that a fucking elementary school kid was exposed to porn so early, jacking off so early what the fuck dude. it's time to stop, your mental health has taken enough stress from it, it's made you into a woman fearing freak. (the woman fearing isn't the freak part the masturbation part is the freak part).
weed. it doesn't feel like i'm addicted to it as much as masturbation, but that's only because I don't view them the same. weed has benefits right? sure the negatives outweigh the positives, or maybe the other way around, but at least porn is like morally bad. i think that's why it's been so hard to quit, I don't want to. i dont feel like i need to. that's the problem! i dont FEEL like i need to, but that doesn't mean it isn't doing me harm. when i was in middle-highschool i vaped a whole lota nicotine and i felt the same way about it then as i do weed now "not a problem". last friday we bought a cart, on tuesday it was completely empty. usually they last atleast a weak so seeing it gone in only 4 days was scary. it reminded me of when i would go through a cart in a month, usually even more than a month. then i thought of my nic addiction, i started with buying juice every month to buying juice every week. history repeats itself. of course nic and weed are super different, one makes you a tweaker with shitty lungs, and the other is weed (keeping the shitty lungs). since tuesday I haven't had access to weed and it really shows. a lot of these anxious feelings i'm getting (the ones i talked about earlier) are withdrawal, i think. i keep getting cold shivers, cold sweats, shitty shits, and everything just feels dull, but it's a part of the process. i don't want to quit weed, it's fun to have funny hahas sometimes, but not the level we're using it. we're abusing a drug, you're always high, we need to change that. take 30 days, that's all i ask, no porn no weed. it's going to be fucking hard but it's going to be worth it. we don't know what's at the end of this tunnel, well actually YOU do if you're reading this from the future. I don't know what's at the end of this tunnel but it'll be worth the wait. listen mateo we're addicted to weed, the same as porn. it's okay, it can happen to anyone, that's the biggest fear about them, but it doesn't make you a bad person. what could lead you to being a bad person is to ignore what you're saying right now, all this writing is writing to yourself you know that. take this energy i'm giving you (renewable energy lol) and use it to garner the power you need. we can do this dude! i trust you. we're stronger than we think we are. day 3
p.s remember what aaron webber told you, remember how smug he was in front of you, remember quitting your dreams, remember that sinking feeling when you got home. you chose to quit and he told you "i don't want this to be a recurring thing. i don't want you to quit whenever shit gets hard. when shit gets hard, you have to get harder or you'll live in this endless loop. also my hot fucking wife is super fucking hot(lol)" this is the same situation, it'll be hard and it'll only get harder. regardless you can do this. i love you, goodluck
Tues 02-22-22 8:35am
how was your day 1-10: no rating yet
what've you done today: man nothing at all lol! i just wrote last night but it was a weak as heck addition! sometimes i just don't have anything to say. today i have some stuff to say. let's start with my dream from last night. it's a reacurring dream, it'll keep happening. it's quite depressing actually. it's the dream of sleeping with one of your exes. not the sex part, just the warmth together. that's why it's so depressing! i don't even bang in the dreams it's just me crying to the lack of someone to cuddle with at night, lmao. but it's all good! i think. i'm not ready for relationship, or maybe i'll never want to be in a relationship, or maybe i havent found the right person. when i dated rachel we talked about soulmates alot; i won't talk about the past a lot since it's hazy, but thinking about it now i don't think soulmates exist. what is a soulmate? there's tons of interpretations but boiled down, it's a destinined partner. a destined partner that you're bound to meet and fall in love with and be live with forever and ever. but that's just dumb! cus the then anybody can be your soulmate it's just bias. of course your current partner (assuming you're in love with them) is your soulmate, what else would they be. i've had 3 soulmates and i've lost 3 soulmates. maybe nobody thinks soulmates are real, maybe we all just repeat it hoping we're right, maybe these nuts in yo mouf. anyway b4 i get too sappy I have homework to do.
next thing i wanted to talk about (yeah there's more) is what we're doing today! no 10am this morning thank god, we have a test today(oh no) a singing test! (oh NO!) and it's on video (lesgo 
but then after that servers are coming back up and I might be able to get into destiny wq!! but i have a class during that, at 12:30 and then band at 3 then work after soooooo. maybe an hour in desiny if i'm even lucky to get in. tomorrow i'll have all afternoon to play though so it's all good. i think that's it for today. have a good day stinker. (cus you just shit and it stinks)
02-21-22 10:03pm
howas ur day 1-10: 8 it was slow but good end
what'd you do today: not much! i went to school during the day but when i got home i did homework !!! and then i played destiny! today's the last day before with queen drops and i played presage til the server's went down. how are you homie? hope everythings looking up. it sucks sometimes but it doesn't suck forever right?
.gif)
this is you! you look super cool in this!!
02-19-22 3:24am
howas ur day 1-10: 6. it was alright
what'd you do today: i had school this morning then work at night. not much to talk about either way. oh! this sounds super elementary, but the other day tony called me k's boyfriend. it was funny. we are not dating ahahaha. which bring me to an interesting question. are you ready for a relationship? i'm not. i don't think. r n I only broke up like 4 months ago, it feels really fresh still. i'm still processing my feelings and stuff. i don't feel worthy of being in a relationship because i'm a bad person. i think the truth is that I'm scared to be vulnerable again. to open myself up to be judged to be observed. every decision I make is according to what i think other people will think. it really gets to me sometimes, I'll get lost in thought. anyway, relationship. i definately feel a sort of care and "like" towards k but like i said I'm not ready. i want to remain friends cus that's cool.
those guys are fishmen, they're a japanese psychadelic rock band. you listen to them.
02-15-22 8:54am
how has your day been : hasn't started yet!
what've you done what will you do today: shoot i forgot to write yesterday. today im
not doing anything same as yesterday. i had lessons early this morning which is why im
up so early. i feel gross. but im okay. today is the last week of season 15! next week starts witch queen which is super duper exciting! i havent bought the expansion yet, i want to wait a little bit to see if I like it. im like 120% sure im gonna like it but! you can never be too sure. preorders getcha. you got some classes today along with work tonight, but no worries cus its woth kota! anything else cool going on? just the depression and stuff, not much else. stomach really hurts. ate a fuck ton of cookies over the last two days. cant even control myself enough to put a box of cookies down, embarrassing
02-13-22 11:13am
how has your day been : hasn't started dumbass
what'd u do today: nothing. can't do anything. trying to write a stupid pargrap for some stupid cl;ass but you can't figure out how to type lol. you suck. i suck. sometimes when i try to write or do anything it feels like my brain can't connect the dots. like i can't get my thoughts on the page, or i get on a rolland make a typo and suddenly im the fukcing stupidest person in the world. it's so frustrating. i think i pick up on peoples traits too easily, especially their bad traits. my ex, r, had really bad id mental health? it was hard for her I can't imagine but apparently I made her happy but anyway that's besides the point. being blunt, she was extremely pessamistic sometimes, or maybe I'm just remembering wrong, but now I am. I just sound like an idiot now, just like last paragraph, blaming people for my decisions. but whatever! it's true. atleast a bit of that rubbed off on me. starting last semester I was extremely pessemistic. i wanted to die every day, and I still do but idk it's different. maybe it also cus of our breakup, depression. whatever. I just feel like a dick now and I keep fufcking miseplling things it's so frustrating. it feels like I can't do anyhing. this fucking sucks. this reads like an insane person's scribbles dumbass, you're insane. when are you dying? soon I hope. todays image isssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. nothing. this chair is uncomfy and life fucking sucks.
02-12-22 4:08pm
how has your day been 1-2: it's been 1.2
what'd u do today: not much. we woke up at 12, remember? since we've just been playing destiny and watching space videos lol. no homework to do today, no school, no work, just hangout. the supermega hardback came in yesterday lmao, did u ever finish it? last night we had a dream where we kept starting tasks and not finishing them. also more stuff but I can't remember it now. it was really vivid, really nice dream i think. it had a lot of emotions, yaknow? it felt real, or as real without becoming lucid. but you wake up and feel like it really happened, have to question yourself. how are you. do you remember this? this was a while ago, the art. when u were a sophomore, did acid for the first time and made this. that really changed our life, sometimes i wonder what lif would be like if we never did drugs. if we didn't become friends with A n R, is it even my place to put blame on them? no. that was selfish. we made the decisions, not them.
02-11-22 2:49pm
how was your day!! 1-10: its hard to put a number on it but maybe 6?
what'd you do today: days onky strted so i havent done much. i had class at 9 then band at 12! and still at the school waiting for jazz band. then work! long day. thats okay. listening to the horns making up music is englightening or something. but they are kinda cheesy, nothing wrong with that of course, just a oersonal taste i think. im not gonna tell them or anything thatd be weird anyway we were thinking about our conversation eith the flute guy. forgot his name oops, we walked and talked for a bit and he slowed down to talk to us more i think, it was neat. but then you thought "why dont you approach more people, instead of tending to urself" lmao thats what im doing right now. off go jazz band
02-07-22
how was your day 1-3: 1.76453223453. it's 12:42pm btw
what'd you do today: day's barely started but it seems short already. currently in english class talking about some prject, i don't know what it is. I should listen maybe, nyway. the other day was your concert, it went pretty well but your lips were tired from practicing b4hand.People seemed to like it though, that's all that matters. I got to talk to some friends but I left early again, cool. work l8r homo!
02-07-22
how was your day 1-3: good. it's 11:55pm btw
what'd you do today: today was eventful. now is clearing up so I got to go to school again yay haha jk. it doesn't suck, i enjoy college more than highschool and i dont hate going but having to actually exist is tiring enough. im just whining. anyway, school wasn't eventful, we had work at 5 so didn't get much free time either. i bought ffix the other day and we've been sinking some hours into that. currently lvl 13 thaum-something i dont remember what the class is called. work went fine, back hurt foot hurt stomach hurt all there, not leaving, that's okay. driving back home you remembered why you didn't like CSH. we still like them, atleast rn you do, but it's definitely a double edged sword. added some more songs onto the song site. not much else dude. tomorrow is the concert remember? going to lunch before it w/ K, hopefully that'll be exciting. we can't keep a conversation with people right now but i think that's okay. i just freeze up and stare at [whoever I'm talking to]. don't know what to do. sometimes it feels like not trying is just easier.
02-05-22
how was your day 1-3: havent even started yet
what are you doing today then: nothing. homework? metaphor paper for music ed class. maybe more video games, maybe working on this site. i need to add more songs to the song site and figure out that bug. basically when you enter the page it'll auto play and when you leave the page the music player stays. i dont want the music player to follow u out of the music site. maybe turing off auto-play will work, idk. html is confusing cus i dont know how to troubleshoot any of it, but it's getting easier. u learn how to do one thing and connect it with another thing and get a doulbe thing!!!
02-03-22
how was the day 1-3: 3
what'd you do: i worked today. closed. i played video games the rest of the day. i worked some on the website. it snowed a couple days ago and the snow was still there. spending time in the snow helped with whatever. my feelings? or my head thoughts n stuff. idk. i keep a journal irl but i forget to write in it. i like updated this site so i'm gonna write here too, everyone else does it hehe
take me back
.